Friday, December 23, 2005

Holiday Guilt/Anxiety

So another Holiday...another reason to fixate. Have I made everyone happy? Did each of the children get enough? Did I make anyone feel left out? I am out of steam...Caught in a crossroad. I guess what I am getting at is... Is this how a Holiday is supposed to feel? December is notoriously a bad month for me. Yes, I have issues. But, as I look around, it seems to be a bad time of year for a lot of people. So maybe, just maybe, I am not alone in this.

I have decided to take some pressure off of myself and mail out the rest of the presents I should have sent out long ago, after Christmas. As Mom says...extending the Holiday with extra surprises. And I am trying to tell myself to not feel guilty, late is better than never.

But as the packages keep rolling in, the guilt comes back :)

Onto the New Year...

Last year I decided no more resolutions...why? Because, how many resolutions do you really stick to? I probably stick to 1/4 of what you stick to. And then we go back to the guilt...oh the guilt.

I would really like to work on the guilt thing.
I would like to lose some weight.
I would like to take care of me.
I would like to commit to a monthly pedicure. (I never said I couldn't be shallow at times)...Remember 5 kids and on my feet all the time... I even knit standing most times.
I would like to control my temper and the "you are all plotting against me" thing.
I would like to trust my husband more.

I am sure I will add to this sort of really is just a reminder to me.

Happy Christmas Eve Eve.

Don't feel alone sweetie. This is a ridiculously hard holiday season for me this year. It's sad, but sometimes it's the happiest times of year that have the potential for making you feel terrible... What counts is that you even notice it - that means you care! And it means that you *want* to feel better this time of year. You'll get there! Just give yourself time to make new happy memories and eventually those will be the ones you think of around the holidays :)

Love Love!
I've had the Christmas/New Year's grumpies for years. It must run in the family, ya think? ;-)

Personally, I'd work on keeping the pedicure resolution. If your feet are happy, the rest will follow (former restaurant worker wisdom...) Guilt is a choice. Choose against it. I think you're pretty fine just the way you are, and you amaze me with how you keep track of everyone and everything, and even get stuff done. Shed guilt. It weighs more than you can imagine. (see...then you don't have to worry about losing weight! Score!)

I'll be downstate tomorrow but I'll try to call.

I love you! (And big, BIG hugs to all the babies!)

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